Proposal For marriage No. 5

I have collected these piece of writings from my page which I was writing in six series both in English and Afan Oromo languages. If you see any grammatical flaws,pardon me since English is my third language. Enjoy reading…

Marriage is important life event which is foundation of society. When this foundation can’t take deep root, society loses its identity and destined for destruction. So how can we preserve marriage life from danger so that nation may prosper as a whole? To preserve this important life event, it is very essential to distinguish what endanger and preserve marriage. It is very essential to get ready by both spiritually and financially.  Today let’s discuss on some treat that endanger marital life.

Control your anger and emotions In our daily life controlling anger and emotions is very important. When it comes to marital life, it becomes more and more important. Wife/husband may become hell or Paradise to the house. One may kindle the fire and other may extinguish. Or both of them may kindle the fire. Or both of them may be cool and calm, they solve problems with discussion and in gentle manner. Indeed this home is blessed. So try your best to be calm, patient, gentle and cool.  There are many reasons behind why people can’t control their anger and emotions. For petty things, they turn home to battlefield. They are enraged with intense anger. Among reasons that prevent from controlling anger and emotions are;

The environment where he/she has grown up– environment plays crucial role in upbringing of children. Corrupted environment brings corrupted generation except whom Allah has mercy on. When child is brought up in restless and gang environment, he too become among one of them unless Allah has mercy on him/her. He fail to found strong family bond and can’t bear responsibilities. Marriage is bearing of burdens and responsibilities not just fulfillments of love desire. Lust/desire is a temporal emotion which can’t live forever. If marriage is founded on just fulfilment of sexual desire, it can’t last for a long period. Because lust is like fading cloth. When cloth fades what shall you do? Either you throw away or pass to other. So the marriage that is based on lust/desire and worldly benefits crushes in a short time. Because marriage life is full of responsibilities and accountability.

But when marriage is founded on unbreakable bond and ultimate goal then InshaAllah it becomes source of joy and lasts for longtime. When saying this,we are not saying that there is no friction. Both partner work for mutual benefit and same objective. Mutual benefit is to increase their imaan,the same objective is gaining pleasure of Allah and Jannah. They know that life is test and trial. They prepare themselves to tackle the problems and pass over by helping each other. They are patient and seek goodly reward. This is imaan(faith) – unbreakable bond.

If the person polluted in bad environment, he/she should try his/her best to get rid of bad habits. If he/she inherits intense anger from environment, he/she should train his/herself to control anger before he/she steps to marriage world. √ Family pressure – If family treat their children like slave, intense anger starts to boil up in them. Then it becomes their daily habit. They may can’t control their anger. They may hide their anger but may serious problems to escape from pressure. If this habit is not changed before marriage, it cause more serious problems. So the person who become prey for this, he should train himself to be gentle, patient and controlling anger by seeking Islamic knowledge, being with good people and etc.

Life of indulgence – if the person lives life of indulgence, it’s difficult for him/her to control anger. Because while he/she is in his/her family, he/she face less problems. Family may treat him/her like king or Queen. When he/she does some wrongs, he/she feels pride. He/she is unwilling to accept his/her mistakes. This makes him/her stubborn. He/she can’t control his/her anger. So the one who is affected by this disease should know that every person makes mistakes. He/she should accept his/her mistakes or ask pardon or forgive others.

√ Lack of knowledge and Imaan
√ traditional pressure
√ imitation from others. For example if other husband/wife treats in bad manner their spouse, other person may imitate them. This imitation may be from home. Especially father and mother.
Lose of self confidence– when the person accept his/her mistake or forgive others, he/she may think as shame. This is indication of lack of self confidence. It is living for others.

Marriage Proposal-No 6

When we set out to build this important life event, we encounter different obstacles. If these are known and fixed before marriage, InshaAllah marriage will become happy. In our past discussion, we try to explain anger and its causes. Today let us continue with another marriage breaker that is nagging. According to Merriam Webster dictionary nagging means : to annoy (someone) by often complaining about his or her behavior, appearance, etc. : to annoy (someone) with repeated questions, requests, or orders

Human being hates repeated requests, complaining and question. Nagging may arise from dissatisfaction with own life, being greedy, imitating others and etc. Before we enter to the world of marriage, we should do our best to get rid of nagging or at least decrease. When we are in our family, we should not ask our parents for everything. By imitating our friends, if we burden our parents, when they fail to do that thing for us we nag and get angry easily. The child who grows up with nagging brings great challenge to his/her marriage life. When his/her spouse fails to do what he/she wants, he/she turns home to battle field. Once my mother said,”The home which has nagging is home of fire, it has no peace.” Indeed she is true.

When we turn to its solution, from our youthful age, we should be content and satisfied with what we have. We should accept ours and other’s shortcomings. When we order/consult our spouse, he/she may disagree with us. We should accept and tolerate our difference and go in hand with our similarities. We should develop the potential of pardoning and overlooking others. This starts from our friends and siblings. We should not get angry and nag for every small things. Someone said that nagging for trivial things is base of marriage breaker.  In short, to decrease nagging we should be content with what we have, grateful to Allah and then to our spouse, forgiving and pardoning, not burdening others for our every needs, not asking others more than what we need.



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