I have collected these piece of writings from my page which I was writing in six series both in English and Afan Oromo languages. If you see any grammatical flaws,pardon me since English is my third language. Enjoy reading…
Today as marriage is difficult, many seeds of evils are germinating. If you love someone and want for marriage, first counsel your family and good people around you. Don’t tell to every one. Also don’t keep marriage contract secret. If the love for that person difficult for you, don’t approach him/her before marriage(nikah), be patient. Rather cosult your family. Don’t shy telling them about your crucial life that is marriage. Otherwise if you go on on yourself, at the end pain of regret may hurt you. But the best consulting is consultancy of Allah(SW). He knows your past, present and future. So turn to HIM. Pray salat ul Istikaara whether this person is good for your deen(religion), duniya(livelihood) and Ahkira(Hereafter). Say “O Allah You know what I don’t know. You know every seen and unseen. You are Judge on every matter. If this person is good for my deen, duniya, and aakira, join us. But if he/she is not good for my deen,duniya and Akhiraa, give me other person who is better than him/her.” This is your solution.
Marriage is not joke. It is life. When we intend to marry, we prepare ourselves with wealth but forgetting primary criteria that is imaan,good character and mental maturity. Yes wealth is necessary in marital life. But it should be secondary. We had tried to talk about imaan and good character before little bit. Now we talk about mental maturity which is important in leading happy life. Mental maturity doesn’t only apply to increasing in age but it is to have knowledge and practical application. Person’s age may be between 25 and 40 but still he thinks and does childishly. He/ she can’t cope with problems and find solution. He/she nags for everything. What is reason behind this? Because he/she has grown in indulgence life where there is no problem. His/her father/mother makes him/her king/Queen. They don’t want to order him to do anything. He/she doesn’t know responsibilities and how to conduct them. On the other side some parents don’t allow their children to express themselves. They insult and embarrass them. This makes the child degraded and lose self-confidence. When we turn to solution, the young should not be treated like king/Queen nor slave. They should be treated fairly. If they are not in balanced position, it is difficult for them to lead happy marriage life. When they are treated in indulgence, they become burden for their wife/husband.They wait and expect for everything to be done for them. On the other hand when they are treated like slave, they will be subjugated by their wife/husband. They lose self confidence in leading their life and decision making. So the one who is affected by both of these should treat him/herself before he/she enter to marriage world. He/she should seek beneficial knowledge and try to change his/her character. If he/she is irresponsible or loses self-confidence or embarrassed and shy when speaking and discussion, he/she should try his/her best to change these treats.
When someone wants to propose marriage for someone, he/she should know each other. He/she should look at each other’s physical appearance so that they love each other. But this has limit. The fiancé looks only at her face, hands. But in the process of knowing each other, seeds of evils are germinating. Today family allows partner to be in seclude without mahram(unmarriageable person like father, brother). This is evil imitated from other cultures. To know each other more, the girl and boy go together without mahram. After they had went to secluded area, sheytan(Satan) tempts them to commit evils such as zina(fornication). Even if they don’t commit evil things, hatred may arise between them. If they see any despicable manner on each other, then they abandon each other. This bring great shame to the girl. She may lose chastity and become house maid. No matter how much they try to know each other, they can’t know what is in their inner. If they want to know well,it is enough to ask her/his friends or relatives. So meeting in seclusion opens the door for evils. So when you want to propose marriage, avoid such things. Don’t try to meet her in cafés,restaurant and etc without mahram if you want happy life.
Not only this but there is also photographs exchange and chatting. These may cause different problems. He may share and show her photographs to anyone. This makes the girl disgraceful and bring about shame. It may arise envy in other people’s heart. Then they seek the way to separate and saw hatred between the two partner. If they exchange photos, photos should not be stored on devices so that other people may not see.
When we come to chat and calling, most of time is wasted on chatting and talking. Through chatting and talking, we see separation before marriage and divorce after marriage. This becomes playing with personal reputation and own life. So when you propose someone for marriage, avoid seclusion meeting, chatting and calling before nikah(marriage contract). Then InshaAllah your marriage will be blessed. May Allah bless our marriage!Amiin